Things that make you uncomfortable...

This post is part of the series "Blog Every Day in May".
Day 3: Things that make you uncomfortable.

Wet socks.
Unattached hair.
Babies.
Meetings.
Swimsuits.
Shredded Wheat.
Other people’s showers.
Waiting alone.
Talking about money.
Cooked fruit.
Meth teeth.
Sharing food.
“What are you thinking?”
New people.
Werewolf hands.
Waterpark bathrooms.

*This list not exhaustive. 

Educate us on something...

This post is part of the series "Blog Every Day in May".
Day 2: Educate us on something you know a lot about or are good at. 

Oh man. I am so good at so many things. Like, 

• saying I’m going to tackle a project after work but watching television instead. 
• sit and reach. 
• consuming large amounts of food in one sitting. 
• not learning to play guitar. 
• making people feel uncomfortable.
• imitating Forest Gump on accident. 
• being terrified of snakes. 

But today, friends, I shall educate you on “The Carlton”. 

1. Put on some sweet tunes. Might I suggest something by Tom Jones? Something like “It’s Not Unusual”.  
2. Make sure no one else is around. (You might want to do this first. Don’t.) 
3. Grab a microphone-shaped prop. Sing into it. 
4.  Swing your arms and snap your fingers to the beat while slightly bending forward. 
5.  With knees bent, shift your weight from one leg to the other. 
6.  Don’t be afraid to add flair – wiggle your hips, add a spin, wear a sweater vest, and maintain a freakishly large grin. 
7.  If you have access to stairs, or a couch, run up them for dramatic effect. 
8.  Return to number 4 and repeat until you notice someone noticing you.

You’re welcome.

 

The story of your life in 250 words or less

This post is part of the series "Blog Every Day in May".
Day 1: The story of your life in 250 words or less 

I was born in 1981. Twenty-something years later I got ©1981 tattooed on my right butt cheek. In between those two events were 

country roads, church choirs, comfort food, lots of family and a few good friends;

library cards, art classes, web designs, quiet dreams and words written more than spoken;

failed attempts, broken toes, crocodile tears, a cancer scare and bouncing back; 

home plans, impulse buys, first days, full-on obsessions and strawberry-flavored everything;

things made right, shoes to fill, big sistership, becoming okay and sins washed away ; 

chipmunk laughter, awkward glances, useless trivia, sun-freckled skin and mismatched eyes.

It’s been a few years since that tattoo. I like to think I’m a little bit smarter. I can’t decide whether it’s better to be rough or smooth around the edges and figure I’ll always be both. I still believe that everything will happen. Everything will be.