Touché Tuesday: Sweating to the Cheeseburgers

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Dear Jen,
It's summertime, right? I know. I am not a big fan of sweating, especially when I am eating. But sometimes, it just happens. Do I rock a Pat Benatar headband? Napkin burka? I do get excited over a big juicy cheeseburger, and I think that's part of it. Dabbing and dotting with a tissue is just not working. Help me!

Perspiringly,
Rashida Whelp, Yuma, AZ

PS-- I don't glisten. I sweat like a fat nerd in a Spiderman costume. 

Dear Rashida,
I’m a Florida girl so I relate to your sweaty plight. I love being outdoors, riding with the windows down, eating cheeseburgers on patios…but there does come a point in the summertime where those situations are just too sweaty. I can totally get behind a Pat Benatar headband (and I would soooo buy your CD if you started a band by that name). BUT. When the occasion is just not right for a PBH, consider the following.

1. Sometimes I do a modified Brett Michaels. Yep, I sing a little tune, hit myself in the head with any bit of stage I can get my hands on and then wrap a sweet bandana around my noggin. Then I wait a year and sue somebody.
2. Apparently some runners spread chapstick across their foreheads to keep sweat from dripping down their faces. This is reason enough for me not to run but might be worth a try if you are in a jam.
3. Carry a folding fan. Make sure you also say things like “I do declare” while fan is in use.
4. I hear Botox helps. Think of all the time you could save by not showing emotion.
5. If all else fails, block up your glands! Slather your face with DIY pore strips (1 tbsp unflavored gelatin + 1.5 tbsp milk, warm for a few seconds). You’ll look crazy in a major way but good luck sweating through that mask.*

*I don’t know what I’m talking about most of the time. Leaving this mixture on for an extended period is probably a bad idea.

♥ Jen

P.S. Please start a napkin burka etsy shop.

P.P.S. Thanks for the photo link. You win.