Crotch Shots Are So Last Year (or whatever year that was)

Waaaay back in 2007, ya know - the year Britney Spears came back, I coordinated a conference* that brought 120 top guns from [academic] economic development organizations to my town. And then I showed them my boobs. 

It was the last day of the conference and we were experienceing red tide and tropical storm force winds. These are the trade-offs for living in paradise. I happened to be wearing a new shirt I had bought specifically for that day. It was dressy (shiny) and comfortable (cause I knew I'd be doing a lot of tear-down and pack-up). It also had buttons. Alllll the way down the front. Which is a totally normal thing for a shirt to have. Many, many shirts work this way. I was carting a ton of crap really important stuff to my car when the tropical storm force winds whipped up in just such a fashion to completely unbutton my shirt and flap it around like I was daggum Demi Moore. Two of my coworkers were with me. Countless other colleagues were inside the banquet room next to me. The one made of windows? Yep. That one. 

Just before the incident. Apparently we were all about poor lighting in 2007.

I tell you this so that you will understand why I had not worn a button-down shirt since 2007. Until last Thursday. I found a pretty and professional stripey button-down on clearance for less than $6. I told myself to get over the button incident. It had been five years. Surely button technology had come a long way. I bought the shirt and wore it to meet a VP of an organization I'm interviewing with. And I actually looked like an adult. I think. I usually feel like a child playing dress-up when I bump the business casual up a notch. Anyway, all the buttons flew off during the meeting and I showed the VP my boobs too!

Just kidding. I didn't flash anything but my winning smile during the meeting (and by winning I mean the one where you can tell that I'm wondering if this smile makes my double chin look fat). I thought things had really turned around for me in the button realm. The meeting couldn't have gone any better. I was feeling pretty fly. I stopped in Walmart on my way back to work. Just a quick run for ink and linen paper. I was checking out some sweet binder clips (that totally match my resume and work samples packet, what up) when I noticed that I felt awfully cool in the chest area. 

I shifted the ink and paper into one hand and touched my shirt with the other. Uh-oh. I felt that one of my buttons was undone. I looked down and cried out to my savior. My entire shirt was unbuttoned. In WalMart. I was all bra and bare skin with stripey curtains partying at the sides like it was 2007. I threw my items delicately placed my goods on the nearest shelf and buttoned up as quickly as possible. In case you aren't aware, trying to button fast is the best way to ensure that your buttons will not want to go through their stupid holes. 

And now I wait. Watching peopleofwalmart.com like a hawk.

*This conference was held in Memphis the year prior. Where I fell down the stairs.