Oh. Y'all. When I said I'd keep you posted on how I manage to embarrass myself and whether or not I follow the advice of the mysterious fortune, I had no idea to what extent I would embarrass myself. Seriously, my life should be a television show. These things don't happen to real people. Am I Truman? Is this all a set-up? Cause I'd rather have the manicured lawn version.
Also, I didn't follow the fortune. Way too sensitive. And dumb. So, so dumb. I mean, I'm still awesome. But very dumb.
I expected to fall down or lose an article of clothing as these are the sorts of things that usually happen to me. I guess if I'm honest, these things aren't really embarrassing any more. I didn't expect to be so dumb though. I'll spare you the gory details. Just know that there is apparently more than one way to interpret the statement "I want to be a couple again soon." And I did it wrong.
To help keep you fine readers from making the same mistake and crying at your desk AGAIN like the big weepy freak that you are, here are a few tips on using the statement "I want to be a couple again soon" correctly:
- If you are the one making this statement to your former flame and you mean that you want to be a couple again soon with someone else, not your former flame,
don't use the word "again", it's misleadingdon't pair it with "I miss you" or "I am a stupid idiot" - it's misleadingSTOP and never ever say this to your former flame for any reason. - If you are the one hearing the statement from your former flame, stop listening.
- If you do want to be a couple again soon with your former flame, not someone else, go ahead. Say it. Just like that. Cause "I want to be a couple again soon" freaking means that you want to be a couple again soon.
Pictured: The North Floridian Dodo.
*Don't worry, by "someone" I totally mean someone else, not you.
Whoa! If he asked you to lunch for that HE is the Dodo. You need to change the picture.
ReplyDeleteAgreed! So much. But I feel dumb for going. I feel dumb for considering getting back together. I feel dumb for some other stuff that I didn't mention here out of respect for him. Editing myself for him kinda makes me feel dumb too. Blerg. I'm gonna go weird science myself a man now.
DeletePretty face, pretty earrings, must change caption and play some TLC, "NO Scrubs".
ReplyDelete♥ I forgot about that song! I was a senior in high school when it came out. Oh the memories of windows down, scenic highway, terrible attempts at harmonizing with my girls. (It was probably girlz then.)
DeleteAgreed with Angie.
ReplyDeleteAnd Oh! Hi, I'm new. The new Illinoisian (?) dodo. Nicetomeetcha!
Hi newbie!
DeleteI had the cassette tape of TLC, which was all good until my mom found it and read the lyrics. NO Scrubs was fine, but I remember on side B, it sounded like people having sex. I never saw that tape again and my mom still swears to this day she knows nothing about it. That was probably 20 years ago. Don't worry mom, I'm over it.
ReplyDeleteAlssssoooooo, maybe he'll have fun being a couple again soon...with himself.
I was a HS Senior, so it was only like 3 (plus 10) years ago. I had a similar experience with my dad and a Vanilla Ice cassette. He also swears not to remember this. But I do. Oh, how I do. Let me tell ya bout my homeboy Randy...
DeleteAlssssoooooo, lol.
Why anyone would think it would be ok to start talking about dating other people WHILE in a conversation with an ex...i have no idea. The next bit of info might be TMI. My very ex, broke up with me, while cuddling me in bed using the words "i will really miss this." Just what you want to hear at 1 am on a Monday morning.
ReplyDeleteHonestly....