Florida Places to See: St. Augustine

Way back in June, I took a road trip to St. Augustine with my sister and a former co-worker of hers. If you are like us and fancy forts over night clubs, it's worth a visit. In December. Florida is hot.

We fed muffins to hotel cats, met a nutty lady with exposed lower butt cleavage, missed the turns for several Cracker Barrels, got inappropriate with some coquina and made friends with a cemetery ghost. I had so much fun that I forgot about the bone I had to pick with the place. "America's oldest city" is St. Augustine's claim to fame, but Pensacola, my stomping grounds, was actually America's first European settlement. Had it not been destroyed by a hurricane, P'Cola would hold the title. I guess "America's oldest continuously inhabited city" doesn't look as nice on t-shirts. 

I took a lot of photos of things that are not us, which I will show you in place of repeating all the reasons you should visit St. Augustine that you could read on a travel website.

Feeling 32

I've been 32 for exactly one month and I'm pretty boss at it. Boss means fumbly with the unfortunate fashion sense of Hannah Horvath, right? Here are a few things I've learned, so far, about this year of life:

1. The skin creams you just started using will pay off - people will compliment your nice complexion! And then note that your twenty-six-year-old sister's complexion is better.
2. People discuss poop. With concern. Don't giggle.
3. College students will begin to think that you are a "mam".
4. Middle-aged ladies working in department stores will treat you as if you have enough money to purchase the pricey watches you ask to try on instead of rolling their eyes. This is kind of cool and kind of a bummer.
5. The other 30-somethings around you who seem to have everything together are faking it at least part of the time.
6. Everything in this video is true:

The 107 Fortune Cookies Project

Do you know how much it costs to fly from Florida to Japan? About 107 Whitfield Awesome rap fortune cookie prints, that's how much.

I have to get to Japan soon to visit with THE Kacey from Kacey's Kitchen and Where in the World is Kacey (currently in Japan). It's a must. For me and Japan. They ain't never seen two white girls go through so much food - it'll be fun all around. 

I have decided to take the most sensible route for saving travel dolla dolla bills, y'all. Rap lyric fortune cookie prints in my Etsy shop. It's the "That's a Rap" series. See what I did there? At $14/pop, it'll take roughly 107 prints to get me to Japan. I'll be debuting the prints here as I go. Let's start with the basics: The Cool Kids, M.I.A. and Tone Loc.

Baby; ya jingling.

Looking in the rear view swagger going swell.

 Put a little Medina in your glass & the girls'll come real quick.

Do you have any tips for travel savings? (Like how to not buy things in Target.)

All this talk about fortune cookies make you hungry? Head over to my other blog, Turning Mediterranean, for a Watermelon Gazpacho recipe!

The One with the Friendly Reminder

http://www.etsy.com/shop/WhitfieldAwesome, y'all (because my goal for this year is to make more from Etsy than I pay in fees - a.k.a. the big time)

Cold turkey. That's what I went all over this blog (and my other blog). I didn't do that thing that bloggers do: write a post about how life is just so much that they need a break. I just didn't feel like writing. Didn't feel like illustrating. Didn't feel like sharing. So I didn't. 

Monday, as I waved my blow dryer about my head with one hand and readied a print of Mr. President Bill Clinton for shipment to Seattle with the other, I remembered: Oh yeah, I like being creative in ways that don't involve a scope of work or a security deposit or clients who fancy themselves designers. I like doing things I like to do and I haven't done them in months. 

So thanks, A., in Seattle, for the reminder. 

 The reminder that:

• I need to pay my Etsy bill. 
• I have a master plan. I want to write and illustrate humorous children's books. Hopefully this will lead to mild success and a demand for handmade character plushies. I'll hire wacky family members to produce said plushies and soon A&E will make reality television stars of us. After a good five season run, I'll have enough TV money to feel comfortable with the risk of opening a small food stand. I have the place picked out already. It's near the bike trail and downtown (convenient considering I'll become the type of concerned citizen who bandies about phrases like -downtown revitalization-). American dream.
• Maybe a few folks besides my mom and those two people who hate me actually look at my stuff once in a while. (Let's not pretend that public blogs are all about introspection and views don't matter...no two people do not groan when bloggers pretend things like that.)
• I really liked blogging. I want to do it again.

P.S. I accidentally typed "The One with the Friendly Reindeer" as the title of this post. What is on my mind?

Things that make you uncomfortable...

This post is part of the series "Blog Every Day in May".
Day 3: Things that make you uncomfortable.

Wet socks.
Unattached hair.
Babies.
Meetings.
Swimsuits.
Shredded Wheat.
Other people’s showers.
Waiting alone.
Talking about money.
Cooked fruit.
Meth teeth.
Sharing food.
“What are you thinking?”
New people.
Werewolf hands.
Waterpark bathrooms.

*This list not exhaustive. 

Educate us on something...

This post is part of the series "Blog Every Day in May".
Day 2: Educate us on something you know a lot about or are good at. 

Oh man. I am so good at so many things. Like, 

• saying I’m going to tackle a project after work but watching television instead. 
• sit and reach. 
• consuming large amounts of food in one sitting. 
• not learning to play guitar. 
• making people feel uncomfortable.
• imitating Forest Gump on accident. 
• being terrified of snakes. 

But today, friends, I shall educate you on “The Carlton”. 

1. Put on some sweet tunes. Might I suggest something by Tom Jones? Something like “It’s Not Unusual”.  
2. Make sure no one else is around. (You might want to do this first. Don’t.) 
3. Grab a microphone-shaped prop. Sing into it. 
4.  Swing your arms and snap your fingers to the beat while slightly bending forward. 
5.  With knees bent, shift your weight from one leg to the other. 
6.  Don’t be afraid to add flair – wiggle your hips, add a spin, wear a sweater vest, and maintain a freakishly large grin. 
7.  If you have access to stairs, or a couch, run up them for dramatic effect. 
8.  Return to number 4 and repeat until you notice someone noticing you.

You’re welcome.

 

The story of your life in 250 words or less

This post is part of the series "Blog Every Day in May".
Day 1: The story of your life in 250 words or less 

I was born in 1981. Twenty-something years later I got ©1981 tattooed on my right butt cheek. In between those two events were 

country roads, church choirs, comfort food, lots of family and a few good friends;

library cards, art classes, web designs, quiet dreams and words written more than spoken;

failed attempts, broken toes, crocodile tears, a cancer scare and bouncing back; 

home plans, impulse buys, first days, full-on obsessions and strawberry-flavored everything;

things made right, shoes to fill, big sistership, becoming okay and sins washed away ; 

chipmunk laughter, awkward glances, useless trivia, sun-freckled skin and mismatched eyes.

It’s been a few years since that tattoo. I like to think I’m a little bit smarter. I can’t decide whether it’s better to be rough or smooth around the edges and figure I’ll always be both. I still believe that everything will happen. Everything will be.