The One with the Friendly Reminder

http://www.etsy.com/shop/WhitfieldAwesome, y'all (because my goal for this year is to make more from Etsy than I pay in fees - a.k.a. the big time)

Cold turkey. That's what I went all over this blog (and my other blog). I didn't do that thing that bloggers do: write a post about how life is just so much that they need a break. I just didn't feel like writing. Didn't feel like illustrating. Didn't feel like sharing. So I didn't. 

Monday, as I waved my blow dryer about my head with one hand and readied a print of Mr. President Bill Clinton for shipment to Seattle with the other, I remembered: Oh yeah, I like being creative in ways that don't involve a scope of work or a security deposit or clients who fancy themselves designers. I like doing things I like to do and I haven't done them in months. 

So thanks, A., in Seattle, for the reminder. 

 The reminder that:

• I need to pay my Etsy bill. 
• I have a master plan. I want to write and illustrate humorous children's books. Hopefully this will lead to mild success and a demand for handmade character plushies. I'll hire wacky family members to produce said plushies and soon A&E will make reality television stars of us. After a good five season run, I'll have enough TV money to feel comfortable with the risk of opening a small food stand. I have the place picked out already. It's near the bike trail and downtown (convenient considering I'll become the type of concerned citizen who bandies about phrases like -downtown revitalization-). American dream.
• Maybe a few folks besides my mom and those two people who hate me actually look at my stuff once in a while. (Let's not pretend that public blogs are all about introspection and views don't matter...no two people do not groan when bloggers pretend things like that.)
• I really liked blogging. I want to do it again.

P.S. I accidentally typed "The One with the Friendly Reindeer" as the title of this post. What is on my mind?

I bring the party, if by party you mean DJ Paris in a tub...

Earlier tonight I posted this prediction of how my evening would go in response to a friend's declaration that I should be jealous of her as she was on a sister-date with my sister:

"Yeah, well, while you are on a not-my-actual-sister sister-date with my actual sister, I'm reading comic books at home alone and later I might talk to my ex about diets for an hour like I did last night and then I might look at all my other ex's new babies on Facebook and then maybe have a solo dance party because that's the closest I can get to exercise without having a Paul Rudd circa 'Wet Hot American Summer' fit. If anyone is gonna be jelly tonight, it ain't gonna be me. Unless of course you start talking about literal jelly cause that's probably what I'm going to eat for supper.* So there."

Boy was I wrong. My evening took a turn for the weirder when I made this:

Click it. Click it good. (It gets bigger! That's what he said.)

Why? Because Deej vlogged the cover art and title for his upcoming book. Originally, he planned for an illustration of himself blogging from a tub and the title "From the Tub". The artist he coordinated with ended up doing an illustration of Deej in a rose instead, with the title "Look it's D.J. Bathing in a Rose". Because...um...I don't know why. I don't get it at all. Watch it. If you get it, splain it to me.

We all know I'm kind of a douche so I set out to make my own version. (Please don't hate me rose lady - you're artwork is nice. It should be a poster. I live in Oregon and drive a Hummerzine if you want to slash my tires.) Anyway. Read his blog. Buy his book when it comes out. For now, validate my artwork. 

*Don't be sad for me. I didn't eat jelly for supper. I shotgunned dark chocolate chips straight from the bag. Apparently I dropped a couple as my leg looked like it had been smeared in poo when I stood. Yeah I was pants-less. So what?

Seacrest out. Actually Seacrest in. Sounds like he's gonna marry that hot chick from DWTS. Who knew?

Pretty Much the Coolest Thing Ever: A Digital Quilt Project Update

You know that kid in college that always screwed up the curve with their smarts and whatnot? Well, in the land of Whitfield Awesome, that kid is Veronika. Check out the quilt she made using illustrations from my Digital Quilt Project. It's pretty much the coolest thing ever.

Confession: I'm behind on illustrations. I just completed the one below and I plan to knock out quite a few this weekend. If you haven't submitted a word or phrase yet...go to here! Or read more info here! Or see all the illustrations here!

I came this close to being blown to smithereens, y'all.

I came home in a rush Friday, thanks to the following thought process (the advice I followed is highlighted):
[Thursday Night]
Smart Self: "Dude. The church lady retreat starts tomorrow. You should pack your overnight bag now."
Stupid Self: "Duuuudddeee. You should totally launch your etsy store ahead of schedule. And then make iron on tee shirts to wear at the church lady retreat. Promoting yourself at church lady retreats is totally cool. You can pack tomorrow morning before work."
[Friday Morning]
Smart Self: "You got out of bed on time! Let's get that bag packed."
Stupid Self: "Or you could use this extra time to stop at McDonald's for a small sugar free vanilla iced coffee. It's totally cool for your low-carb diet. You'll have time to pack when you get home from work."
Smart Self: "You don't get off until 5:00. It takes 30-40 min to drive home during 'rush hour' and you have to be at LaHacienda at 6:30 for the retreat kickoff."
Stupid Self: "Shut. Up."
[Friday Afternoon]
Stupid Self: "I totally hate the way the iron on shirt looks. It's too big. Stop and buy another shirt after work. Cut out the iron on and hand sew it to the new shirt. It'll look quirky and awesome."
Smart Self: "That will look way better. But you never packed."

So I arrive home in a rush needing to sew a new shirt and pack a bag and be at LaHacienda in 30 minutes. And then I see it. A triangle shaped box. A WMD. A Weapon of Mass Destruction is sitting on my front porch. 

I rack my brain - have I ordered anything recently? Two books from Amazon. Neither of them  WMD shaped. Birchbox, but that's not supposed to arrive until next Wed and it isn't WMD shaped either. I decide to call some department with the word "Federal" in front of it but all I can think of is the Federal Reserve Bank. They can't even figure out money - what would they do about this? So I decide to take care of it myself. I watch Criminal Minds. They detonated a bomb once. I think. 

The box says it's from Lieberman's. Nice job terrorists, no one will ever suspect a Jewish person of sending a WMD. The box also says "Orange. Even3. SALM-4896." I don't know what kind of bomb that is but it sounds bad. Orange is right below threat level red. So I assume it will take out my entire neighborhood but not my entire town. This neighborhood isn't that great anyway. I should warn my cousin and her daughters who also live in my hood though. Nah, it probably won't reach them.

I carefully open the box. The bomb is covered in packing paper so I can't see it. Sweat drips from my brow. I think about how I didn't realize bombs were so light-weight and how I haven't sewn the new shirt yet so surely the old shirt will be the only thing that survives the blast and everyone will be like "wow, that's a crappy shirt." I finally get through the packing paper and see this:

What?!? A clue? Oh wait. Liberman's is a wholesale prints place and I ordered this from sneaqpeeq. And I did it wrong - no free earrings for me. 
_________

BTW, we split up into 3 groups at the church lady retreat for late night activities/sleeping. This may have happened because my group was awesome:

I'm fairly certain that the owners of the post-it-ed cars and the forked yard said things that began with "Good Lord" the next morning. Obviously we helped them grow spiritually. We so won the retreat. 

Hammer Time! (My Etsy Shop is Now Open)

Whitfield Awesome Shop is now open for business and ready to meet all your quirky art needs! 

And just so you don't think me a liar, here's a video of me doing the Hammer Dance. Your eyes are so lucky right now.

Summer Reading List Part 4: Art

Simmer down, kids. Take a seat. It's time for Professor Whitfield to reveal part 4 of your summer reading list. I'll be revealing one category at a time throughout April. Today: Art!
(Don't miss Part 1: Humor or Part 2: Learn Something or Part 3: Fiction.)

1. The Tree Show by Mark Ryden - Ryden is one of my favorite artists. This book collects pieces from his 2007 solo exhibit. 
2. Newspaper Blackout by Austin Kleon - Kleon creates poetry from news. Literally. He uses a sharpie to black out words in newspaper articles, leaving a poem. This book arrived on my doorstep during an actual blackout - I read it by candlelight. 
3. The Very Quiet Cricket by Eric Carle - Because sometimes you need to go back to the beginning.
4. Wreck This Journal by Keri Smith - A collection of prompts to get your creative juices flowing. 
5. What It Is by Lynda Barry - This book may seem a little chaotic upon first glance, but it is full of wonderful collages and challenges to inspire writing. 

Your turn: What are your favorite artsy books?

Making Art: Self-Love Revolution Style

Amy Morby over at A is for Ampersand has declared February Self-Love Month. A month for ladies to "stop hating your body and start loving yourself instead". One of her challenges is to be an advocate for positive body talk. I find this challenge very, well, challenging. I'm terrible about pointing out my own physical flaws. I made myself a set of flashcards featuring the parts of my body I hate the most. The cards are to remind me to replace my negative talk with positive talk. Putting the cards on the innerwebs makes them real. Now I have to try this positivity gig cause I told the world (or at least a handful of people) I would. (Yeah, disco pillows. I dunno why. But I like it.)

Sidebar: Whoa. I was hating on almost every part of my body. Not cool.  

Quick! Sign Amy's Self-Love Declaration of Independence before February is over! Get to loving yourself, sisters.

Making Art: Put a bird on it

I'm working on a couple of projects right now but I don't want to post photos until they have made it to their new homes. So here's a bird. My mom and I share an affinity for feathered creatures. I painted this for her a while back.

P.S. If you said "put a bird on it, what?", watch Portlandia.

Pompous Pet Portraits #2

"Tweezer"

Meet Tweezer, the second pet to sit for a portrait in the Pompous Pet Portraits series. Tweezer enjoys lounging atop reusable Publix bags, chasing lasers and not meowing.  

Coming soon Sammy and Pippi!

Pompous Pet Portraits #1

"Prissy"

I painted Prissy as a birthday gift a while back (like 2010 while!). It's difficult to see in the photo, but Prissy is 3D - no special glasses required. I intended for her to be the beginning of a Pompous Pet Portraits series but I got too busy living life. I just painted #2 in the series for a Christmas 2011 gift (to be revealed soon) and renewed my interest in the series. Send me a photo of your pet and I might just paint him or her.