Touché Tuesday: Tongue Depressors & Dad

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Dear Jen, 
Where do you acquire all those tongue depressors you use for all your YouTube videos? Do you steal them from doctors offices or are you a kindergarten teacher?
Sincerely, Tim

Dear Tim,
Yes. I am a kindergarten teacher AND I steal tongue depressors from doctor's offices. Or at least that used to be the case. My teaching license was revoked when I went to jail for thievery. Now I have to purchase tongue depressors from Wal-Mart like all the other hardened criminals.
♥ Jen

Dear Jen,
It's almost Father's Day and I don't know what to give my dad as a gift. Please help!
Yours, Bad Daughter

Dear Bad Daughter,
I got my dad new garden flip flops. Cause that's really a thing in the house I grew up in and he broke his. (Don't worry he won't read this.) I don't know your dad, so here's a list of different personality traits matched up with great gifts. 

If your dad is...

1. smart, get him a nonfiction book and eye-glass cleaner (all smart people wear glasses - this is why I couldn't even fail the eye test when I tried). 
2. whimsical, get him a masculine art print of a grand animal such as a ram.
3. conservative, get him a solid-colored tie.
4. slutty, get him a CVS gift card.
5. mean, replace all the songs on his mp3 player with stuff by current teen pop sensations.
6. sporty, take him to a local sporting event - pay for his ticket and his hot dog.
7. cheap frugal, give him a very practical gift card (think home depot or restaurant he likes).
8. metro, take him for a mani/pedi. 
9. geeky, get him a trilogy of some sort (think opposite of Twilight).
10. a Russian criminal, get him the Russian Criminal Tattoo Encyclopedia (there are three volumes).

♥ Jen