I have to laugh or someone* is going to lose an eye

This is a continuation of Dude, Where's My Ex-Boyfriend? Also, devil book. Read it first.

Oh. Y'all. When I said I'd keep you posted on how I manage to embarrass myself and whether or not I follow the advice of the mysterious fortune, I had no idea to what extent I would embarrass myself. Seriously, my life should be a television show. These things don't happen to real people. Am I Truman? Is this all a set-up? Cause I'd rather have the manicured lawn version.

Also, I didn't follow the fortune. Way too sensitive. And dumb. So, so dumb. I mean, I'm still awesome. But very dumb. 

I expected to fall down or lose an article of clothing as these are the sorts of things that usually happen to me. I guess if I'm honest, these things aren't really embarrassing any more. I didn't expect to be so dumb though. I'll spare you the gory details. Just know that there is apparently more than one way to interpret the statement "I want to be a couple again soon." And I did it wrong. 

To help keep you fine readers from making the same mistake and crying at your desk AGAIN like the big weepy freak that you are, here are a few tips on using the statement "I want to be a couple again soon" correctly:

1. If you are the one making this statement to your former flame and you mean that you want to be a couple again soon with someone else, not your former flame, don't use the word "again", it's misleading   don't pair it with "I miss you" or "I am a stupid idiot" - it's misleading  STOP and never ever say this to your former flame for any reason.
2. If you are the one hearing the statement from your former flame, stop listening.  
3. If you do want to be a couple again soon with your former flame, not someone else, go ahead. Say it. Just like that. Cause "I want to be a couple again soon" freaking means that you want to be a couple again soon. 

Pictured: The North Floridian Dodo.

*Don't worry, by "someone" I totally mean someone else, not you.

Dude, Where's My Ex-Boyfriend? Also, devil book.

Last night, not long before the hours when nothing good happens, my most recent ex-boyfriend texted me. We had our first textersation (or communication of any kind) since the breakup (3+ months ago). We made jokes. We made serious comments. Then we made plans for lunch today. He volunteered to let me dump beverages on him and take photos for the blog, which I'm totally gonna do I won't do because I'm crazy mature.

As I was getting in the car to head to work this morning, I noticed a fortune in front of the driver's seat. I always never ever eat Chinese food while driving so I couldn't imagine where it came from. It, the random fortune I found in my car on the day that I am going to see my most recent ex-boyfriend for the first time since we ended, read "Be sensitive, but not overly sensitive." I've truly never seen this fortune before. It just showed up this morning all applicable and junk. 

My car isn't made of marble.

I do not believe in fortunes or psychics or any of that jazz. In fact, I like to prove them wrong. "Oh yeah? I'll be lucky in love on the 15th? Well it's the 15th, I just hit on that cute guy in the free clinic and he stabbed me in the appendix. How do you like them apples Gloria Vanderbilt* Mrs. Cleo? Worth it." But this little fortune seems to be offering some pretty good advice. And freaking me out a little, of course. (Though not like the time that devil book told me my ideal career was in web design, which I was already making a career in.)

I'll keep you posted on how I manage to embarrass myself during lunch and whether or not I follow the advice of the mysterious fortune. (If I learned one thing from Twilight fine literature, it's that romantic intrigue hooks readers. Um, check.)

*Glorida Vanderbilt makes tapered leg jeans. She is not a psychic. Her name just rolls off the tongue so nicely behind "how do you like them apples".