Slow your roll.

Appropriate 

I used to think of time as a lumbering concept. Almost drowsy. I remember aching to be done with high school  and being afraid I would never watch my graduation cap drift back to earth with the 326 caps of my classmates. 

I enjoyed the next chapter of my life far more but it continued to move with the slowness of cold honey. I was mostly okay with this tenor but the familiar whens and how longs and will I evers crept in.

When I give thought to years now, I realize they have become more akin to class five rapids. And I think, ever so eloquently, "s^%t".* 

Six months or eight months or eleven years -eleven years- and I'm no closer to seeing my name on a book cover. Or being a mom. Or wearing a size 10. Or becoming the type of person who never leaves dishes in the sink. Hey time, plod for me, baby.

At the beginning of 2013, I resolved to live with intention. To be aware of the minutes of my life. To experience and remember. I'm not doing that. I didn't write about my intentions to be intentional because I knew that I wouldn't follow through, albeit unintentionally. 

I don't think I know how to be intentional. I do know how to very crudely and inaccurately illustrate the inside of a chicken. So I still win adulthood. Clearly.

Tell me, how do you slow your roll?
 
*Great Grandmother said a lady never uses the s-word unless she is referring to literal s-word. I'm nothing if not a lady.

Shout, shout, let it all out

Sometimes I want to scream and scream and scream and scream. Feel free to tell me this is normal.

Vajazzling is Wack, Y'all

I finally have my million seller book idea! All thanks to a comment I recently made on Facebook that included the fictional book title "The New Church's Stance on Vaginas and Crystals: But Not Together Because Vajazzling is Wack, Y'all". Why everyone in the whole entire world is not clamoring to be my Facebook friend is beyond me. 

I've prepared a book proposal to send to publishers nation-wide. Let the bidding begin Penguin and Random House!

Do you want to see your name in paper and ink? Tell me about it so I can steal your ideas applaud you. (Don't worry, stealing takes effort and I much prefer television over effort.)

Squirrels Are Jerks & Train is Awful

I once ran over the back legs of a squirrel. Just the back legs. He used his front legs to drag himself away.

For a while I figured he chewed his legs off and bled out next to the highway. But it has become clear that he met up with Train and inspired the lyric "got run over by a crappy purple Scion". He did this partly because I drive a crappy purple Scion and ran over him. But mostly because he knows how much I hate Train. Squirrels are jerks and Train is awful. They almost got me with that Hey Soul Sister song. Then I remembered that I don't smoke weed. 

It's possible that this haunts me. Also, I just noticed how much squirrels look like hot dogs. Anything you need to confess? 

Pretty Much the Coolest Thing Ever: A Digital Quilt Project Update

You know that kid in college that always screwed up the curve with their smarts and whatnot? Well, in the land of Whitfield Awesome, that kid is Veronika. Check out the quilt she made using illustrations from my Digital Quilt Project. It's pretty much the coolest thing ever.

Confession: I'm behind on illustrations. I just completed the one below and I plan to knock out quite a few this weekend. If you haven't submitted a word or phrase yet...go to here! Or read more info here! Or see all the illustrations here!

Don't You Forget About Me

Hey kids! Have you signed up for the Digital Quilt Project in which you choose a word or phrase and I send you an illustration yet (more details)? No?!? Use this form to sign up. 

While you are here, check out the progress. If y'all don't get to signing up, I'm going to have a very small quilt. Then I will freeze to death. Do you want that on your conscience? You'll have to start checking that "I dun killed sumbodee" box on job applications. It's gonna be a whole thing. Might as well avoid it.

The Digital Quilt Project: Collaborative Art

I'm starting up a collaborative art project and YOU are my collaborators - should you choose to accept this mission. Send me a word or phrase using this form. I will:

• illustrate your word/phrase,
• add the illustration to my digital quilt,
• send you a high res copy of your word/phrase + illustration, AND
• should I choose to put the illustration in my Etsy shop, I'll name it after you.

Keep up with the quilt progress here.

Add a button to your blog to show that you are participating in this project and invite others to join!

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