Sunday, September 30, 2012

Single and ready to mingle, if by mingle you mean...

...choose a plot at St. Mary's. 

In the last couple of months I have heard the following statements:
  • "I didn't get married young. I was older. Waaaaayyyy older. I was, like, 28."
  • "I can't imagine how it would feel to be in my thirties and still not married."
  • "Men need to straighten up. We're the reason we're not getting married until we're older. I mean, I was thirty before I got married."
I am thirty-one. 30+1. 31. And I have never, no, not once, not ever been married. Ever. 

Now, if you are reading this and you happen to be one of the wordsmiths who crafted one of these quotes, do not fret. I do not remember who said them. I am the most interesting man and/or woman in the world. Just keeping up with all the crap I say is totally hard. I don't have time to remember the specifics around what others say. 

Do I want to be married? I think so. Do I feel inadequate for not being married yet? Not usually. 

Sometimes I see really gross/mean/stupid people wearing wedding bands and wonder how they found someone to make it work with but I can't. Obviously I stop to make up stories about their gross spouse, who may or may not be part or fully mule, and the disgusting way they met and the stupid ways they keep the fire burning. Then I'm late for a very important date or my 16 gallons of ice cream have melted all over my cat food and body pillow cover*. So thanks for that, married people. Thanks. 

To sum things up:
This is totally worth clicking on to view larger.
Duh - it was made by the most interesting man and/or woman in the world.

*This has never actually happened because I don't like ice cream** very much. It may have happened with peanut butter m&ms though. That's what I get for shopping at Florida's Finest Outdoor August Candy Shop - Now shade-free!

**This is probably why no one wants to marry me.

10 comments:

  1. A few things, in a list as usual.

    1) I hope you don't mind I steal some ideas from your blog regarding a)posts b)layouts c)everything. I just added linkwithin to my sites cause even though I'm like a stalker on your blog, some how I have missed a post or two only to find it through your linkwithin. If I'm missing your posts, people are sure as hell missing mine. I also try to give you credit when I do steal your ideas and link to your site. If you still want to sue me, go ahead and try, but I'm not sure if you'll get much more than a hairball Sammy puked up. I guess I steal your ideas cause I like them. So, that's a compliment, right?

    2)I have a love/hate relationship with marriage and living with a partner. Which probably sounds weird cause I'm married, and I love my dude and don't want him to go anywhere. He knows all that. So, if you ever want an opinion of marriage from a anti-marriage-most-non-traditional-person-ever-girl, we could chat...off the record of course.

    3)I never EVER thought I'd be married. Ever. And sometimes I still refer to my husband as my boyfriend. Whoops. At least it's all the same person, right?

    4)I still can't figure out how gross people get married and why Why WHY WHY they are the most fertile people in the world?!!?? UUUGGGGHHHH. NASTY!

    5)Lack of ice cream love usually doesn't prevent people from marrying, but the combination of not like ice cream or pizza could be a little iffy. Just be careful with that one. For example, if I were dating a guy who wouldn't eat cheese or drink beer...it would probably be a deal breaker. I know that sounds really bitchy, but I really couldn't deal with that. It would make me really sad.

    6)Please let us know when the game becomes available for the public.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1. I don't mind a bit!
      2. I think I would have a little trouble with the living with a partner part. I like space. Space filled with me and no one else.
      3. Riiigggghhhhtttt. When I actually had a boyfriend who was not my husband, saying boyfriend and being 30 kinda weirded me out. Whomever started "manfriend" was on to something.
      4. So true. The fertilization skills of the gross are truly amazing.
      5. It's the (lack of) texture of ice cream and the taste of pizza that get me. Maybe if there were a ice cream flavored pizza, I'd be into it. I'd invent it but inventing takes more effort than I want to give. To anything.
      6. I'm in talks with Lily Aldrin's dad now.

      Delete
  2. I am also 30+1 and unmarried. I would quite like to get married, but it might take a while for it to happen. Until then i'm happy with cups of tea and similar envy of married people. Xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tea is waaaayyy easier than dealing with men. I think you are on to something, Rosie!

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  3. It's not important when you find your special someone (and even least, when you get married), but what you do after you have found them. There are so many who get married and then everything goes down the drain because they are like "I'm married, now I can be mean / gross / stupid because I have found someone". See, these are the people that you have talked about! ;-) So it's good to take your time. And it's okay never to get married. (It's not okay to not like ice-cream, though - that's just plain weird ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well crap. I'm already mean, gross and stupid.

      Delete
  4. Pahahaha, I found you through Rosie, and I have to tell you that this is probably (okay definitely) the most hilarious thing I have read all week. You win.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm a driver, I'm a winner. Things are going to change, I can feel it. (I need to find a new response to "you win". I've been using this one since 1994.)

      Thanks for stopping by! Rosie is awesome...glad she sent ya.

      Delete
  5. i'm 36 (in 10 days) and have never been married, and have no kids!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All the single ladies put your hands up!

      Delete