Monday, September 10, 2012

The concentration camp formerly known as my stomach.

On this week's episode of Jen Does Dumb Things So You Don't Have To - The 3-Day Military Diet.

Have you heard about the 3-Day Military Diet? Apparently it's been going in and out of style since the eighties. Lately I have gotten way off track on my low carb diet. I was hoping 3DMD would help jump-start me. I followed the diet exactly. I even ate the grapefruit, which I find to be one of God's most vile creations. I can't not make faces while I eat it. And I feel like I'm going to cry the entire time. It took me a full hour to eat half of a stupid grapefruit. On the plus side, the rest of the diet sounded really easy after that. 

While we're talking gross, let's talk cottage cheese. Almost EVERY time I am eating cottage cheese and get about half way through, I sort of panic. I think "this cottage cheese is old. It's old and I'm probably going to die after eating it." But I usually don't die (never say never). The only way I enjoy cottage cheese is with tomatoes. There are no tomatoes on the military diet. 0 tomatoes + 0.5 grapefruit = not right.

Also, there aren't many feelings lower than counting out five saltines to go with your boiled egg and cup of cottage cheese for lunch. But don't worry, I redeemed myself Saturday at a church lady progressive dinner. Bean dip, creamy grape salad, shrimp and cheese grits and fudge. And cheesecake. And whipped cream that was supposed to go on something but I just put it on my tongue.

Guess how much weight I lost!!! 0.00 pounds. The diet was really easy to follow. I didn't feel hungry much between meals and I might just start eating meals like those SOME of the time. But I obviously won't be doing the diet again given it's lack of results.

What dumb things have you done lately? Make me feel better about my poor decisions. Please.

Discipline. The only thing grapefruit is good for:

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