My two dads, Nathan Lane and Elijah Wood.

Someone recently sent me to the celebrity face recognition section of the internet. Because I enjoy wasting tons of time on the world wide web and want the tiny robots controlling it to tell me I look like Scarlett Johansson even after my ex-boyfriend said her head looks like an m&m studying the technology behind such applications, I stuck around long enough to enter no less than five photographs of myself. 

I got Monica Belluci (50% and 73% match) and Kiera Knightly (58% and 67%) twice. Obviously this application is right on target. Must be the same facial recognition software the FBI uses. 

And then I got Nathan Lane and Elijah Wood, 68% and 47% respectively. I can't look EXACTLY like Monica Belluci and look like these men. The only possible explanation is that Nathan Lane and Elijah Wood had love twins. Those love twins are me and Monica Belluci. I'm so mad at my "parents" that I could run away to Mobile via Pensacola like in that one movie about the adopted girl except I already live there. Plus running away sounds like a lot of effort. 
These are the types of family moments that I am sure I have missed out on:

Mom (Elijah) did everyone's hair. What she can do with a comb & hairspray...

Crazy Weirdo Ren Faire! Look at Tonya back there...always photo bombing.

At the family ranch! We raise flowers and kittens.

Which celebrity do you look like? Don't pretend you're too high-brow for this question and say something like "I don't know the names of any celebrities" or "I'd much prefer to tell you which Shakespearean character I most resemble". No one wants to hear that.