Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Touché Tuesday: Tongue Depressors & Dad

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Dear Jen, 
Where do you acquire all those tongue depressors you use for all your YouTube videos? Do you steal them from doctors offices or are you a kindergarten teacher?
Sincerely, Tim


Dear Tim,
Yes. I am a kindergarten teacher AND I steal tongue depressors from doctor's offices. Or at least that used to be the case. My teaching license was revoked when I went to jail for thievery. Now I have to purchase tongue depressors from Wal-Mart like all the other hardened criminals.
♥ Jen


Dear Jen,
It's almost Father's Day and I don't know what to give my dad as a gift. Please help!
Yours, Bad Daughter


Dear Bad Daughter,
I got my dad new garden flip flops. Cause that's really a thing in the house I grew up in and he broke his. (Don't worry he won't read this.) I don't know your dad, so here's a list of different personality traits matched up with great gifts. 

If your dad is...
  1. smart, get him a nonfiction book and eye-glass cleaner (all smart people wear glasses - this is why I couldn't even fail the eye test when I tried). 
  2. whimsical, get him a masculine art print of a grand animal such as a ram.
  3. conservative, get him a solid-colored tie.
  4. slutty, get him a CVS gift card.
  5. mean, replace all the songs on his mp3 player with stuff by current teen pop sensations.
  6. sporty, take him to a local sporting event - pay for his ticket and his hot dog.
  7. cheap frugal, give him a very practical gift card (think home depot or restaurant he likes).
  8. metro, take him for a mani/pedi. 
  9. geeky, get him a trilogy of some sort (think opposite of Twilight).
  10. a Russian criminal, get him the Russian Criminal Tattoo Encyclopedia (there are three volumes).
♥ Jen

6 comments:

  1. Hahhaahah garden sandals, "cause that's really a thing in the house I grew up in". Oh man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seriously. Get some garden sandals. Your life will never be the same.*

      *Results not typical.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Why should the ladies have all the slutty fun? And by slutty fun, I mean venereal disease.

      Delete